yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
