i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
