My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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