she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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