i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
