it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
