I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
