k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
