he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
