You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
