My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
