jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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