After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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