as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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