PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
