Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
