Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
