I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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