I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
