dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
