I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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