My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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