wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
