what day is it and did you see me today?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
