Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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