He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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