he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
