I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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