the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
