Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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