I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
