A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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