got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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