He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
