brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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