Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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