That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
