he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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