Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
