You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I am mentally ready for anal.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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