fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
