A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
