When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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