Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
vagina is talking i cant
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
