I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
