38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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