He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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