I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
