There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
