i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
