I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
