Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
