I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
