fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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