Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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