Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
